I Am Emme
Designer, wife and mother of two, finding my way through this new grown up life of mine
posted on: Thursday, December 18, 2014
Before she was born, I worried. Oh, how I worried. I worried about the birth. I worried about the baby's health. I worried I might never have a daughter. I worried that even if I did have a daughter I wouldn't be able to love her the way I love my sons. I worried and I worried and I worried some more.
And then she was born. And everything just fell into place.
The birth was all I could have hoped for. She was healthy. I had a daughter (I had a daughter, I had a daughter. I still can't quite believe it). The love I have for her is so profound, so big and magnificent that it sometimes feels like too much, maybe. I know this love. This scary, heavy, almost crippling love that leaves you changed forever. Which is to say I love her just as much as her brothers. Which is to say there is no going back. She is a part of me that can never be undone.
When you have your first it rocks you to the core. The changes to your life are so drastic and so immediate that I imagine it's a bit like being thrown into battle - a new soldier in a foreign land. It's a bit like just trying to survive. As Elizabeth said of her first born, "we bonded, but we bonded like war buddies". Every small victory is hard won. Everyday that you look around and everyone is still alive and accounted for seems like a small miracle. You spend his babyhood just trying to get through it.
When you have your second, it's more like riding a bike. Things are not as scary this time, and you relish in the comparative ease of it all. The adjustment is merely a blip on the screen and life simply goes on. Until one day your baby is a toddler and you realize you did not spend nearly enough time soaking up his babyhood. You breezed right through it and now it's gone and you can never get it back.
And so, when you have your third you come to this season of motherhood a little wiser and maybe a little more thankful for this one last chance to start anew. Things are harder, undoubtedly. You are still just one person with two tired hands and three little people who all need you just as much as they ever did. But when the baby is crying and dinner needs made and homework needs checked, you just look down at the perfect creature in your arms and laugh. Because you appreciate this time, even the hard parts, so much more than you ever could have before. Because you know that one day you will miss this. You know how time has a way of just slipping by. And so you smile at the crying baby and hold her a little closer. You try to imprint each fleeting moment into your memory. You don't bother worrying over fussy nights or lost sleep anymore, you just soak it all in. You relish in the diaper changing and cluster feedings and baskets of tiny laundry that need washing. You are tired, but you are happy and so very grateful to be here.
posted on: Monday, December 8, 2014
We are still trying to slowly climb our way out of the newborn fog over here (as evidenced by my lack of posts lately ;) and we're getting there bit by bit. Baby girl turned one month old on Saturday but even so, leaving the house, with three kids, in the winter -- has been a bit of a challenge. We're making it work though and taking advantage of days like last Saturday when the temperatures were in the upper 40s and the sun was actually shining and getting the heck out of dodge for a few hours.
We've been getting our christmas tree from the same farm just about my whole life. That's where my dad took us every year growing up and where Josh and I have taken the boys every year since they've been born. We went again this year and found the selection a little underwhelming and the prices a little overwhelming if you know what I mean. I'm sorry, but $100 for a tree that will literally be lying on the curb in three weeks is just, ugh.
So my dad suggested a new place he'd just found and we all went to see what there was to see and to eye the trees over real good (see how they stacked up in the symmetry and straight trunk departments if you know what I mean) and I have to say I think we've found our new "place". This was the sweetest little farm, with historic old outbuildings that have all been restored and chickens under your feet and complimentary coffee. I mean, ALL the boxes were checked, christmassy quaintness - check! tip top trees - check! friendly staff - check! not too busy - check! I was totally smitten. It's a pretty sure bet that we'll be back again next year, (and I heard they do birthday parties too so you know I'm already scheming up a plan to make that happen as soon as possible). To be honest, I kind of never wanted to leave.
posted on: Monday, November 24, 2014
Sorry for the radio silence the last few weeks, everyone. I've been taking some time to get to know our sweet new baby and adjusting to life with three littles. Miss Ever has been an absolute joy to us the last three weeks. Her soft skin, her sweet baby milk breath. I've been in heaven, truly. Her birth went better than I could have ever even imagined, save for needing a little help from a doc to get her unstuck (we're blaming her chunky size for that one) and I can't wait to share her birth story here when I eventually find some time to write it! Do you see that photo below you guys? That's a baby that came out BREATHING. What?! I know.
Wes loves our little girl so, so much. He asks to hold her all the time and just like when Oren was born he took to her immediately and is completely un-phased by the transition to big brother of two. Oren, on the other hand...he's still adjusting. He's been asking me to "put that down" when I'm holding her so he can sit on my lap (jealous much?) and didn't even touch her until day three. So, yeahhhhhh, we're working on it.
The photo below of Oren holding Ever brought to you exclusively by bribery ;)
Long story short, we're head over heels for our girl and having her here finally, is just so...much. It's just everything. We are complete. My heart is full. And I am the very luckiest, this I know.
posted on: Wednesday, November 5, 2014
Time for another edition of books I've recently read. Ok, so I physically read two of them and listened to the other three on Audible. Which is the best thing ever invented for someone like me who loves books and clocks a lot of driving time. Two birds, one stone! Nothing like a long morning commute with Lolita to keep you company.
This book. THIS BOOK. AHHHHH! It is so frustrating. Of the five books here that I'm reviewing today this was the first one that I started with and I'm still not done with it. I'm listening to this one and it's about 21 hours long. I still have 7 hours to go and I CAN NOT make myself finish. It's such a weird book. It's interesting enough but at the same time, it's going nowhere. I'm 14 hours in and I still don't get the point of it. I've read so many things about how this is such a classic, must read and how it's so many people's favorite book and I'm just like WHAT IS HAPPENING? I was powering through despite my uncertainty until (**spoiler alert**) the main character's young son is killed and then I just threw up my hands like, enough already! I can not handle that shit. Same thing happened to me when I was really into watching Rescue Me, as soon as they killed off Tommy's son in the second season I was like, nope, I'm done. I'm not sure I'm actually, really done with this book. I mean I've invested 14 hours into this thing and it seems a shame to not finish it. But, ugh. Has anyone read this? Is it worth finishing? More importantly WHAT IS THE POINT?!
Oh, David Giffels. Do people not from NE Ohio read Giffels? I'm not sure how far reaching his books actually are but he's sort of our hometown literary hero round these parts. I loved his first book but this one was was just sort of ok. It's actually a collection of short essays rather than a full, cohesive book like All The Way Home was. Some of the essays were really good, others kinda boring. All pretty much saying the same thing. The whole collection focuses on life in our shared hometown of Akron which was fun for me to read being from here and all, I'm just not sure how interesting it would be to people from places other than Akron? If you're from Akron, or really any sort of working class mid-western city I'd totally recommend it. If you're not, I'd love to hear how you'd review it.
So can you believe that it took me 31 years of living before I finally got around to reading Lolita? How does that even happen? I'm not sure. And now that I've been privvy to the inner workings of a certain Mr. Humbert Humbert's brain, I'm more disturbed than ever. I can see why this book is such a classic, but I'm not sure it's ever going to be one of my favorites. It's sort of like Schindler's List, you do it because you have to and you should and of course you appreciate it for it's brilliance, but is it something you really enjoy? Ehh, probably not.
Now this book sort of happened by complete accident. Josh started listening to it on longish car ride we were taking and then I was hooked. As you may (or may not) know Penn Jillette is one of the most outspoken modern day aethiests and this book is all about that. It's a quick read (or listen as may be the case) and it's funny and out there and just very entertaining. He looses me a bit when he gets into some of his Libertarian rhetoric and sometimes he goes way, waaaaaay off topic, but overall this book was a fun one. Don't read it if you're offended by strong language, lude subject matter or aethism in general. You gotta go into this one with an open mind and also not take it too seriously. If you can do that, I think you'll enjoy it.
And this one, I just loved. I could not put it down. It's about the life of a depression era teen girl in the midst of family turmoil who's sent away to boarding school against her will. It's nothing earth shattering but it's sexy and suspenseful and just a totally engrossing book. I've been wanting to stumble upon a page turner like that for awhile now and it was just a really satisfying read. Two thumbs up and I'd definitely recommend it.
And that's all I've got for now! What are you guys reading these days? I just started this one and so far I'm just lukewarm on it, but I've heard it's great so we'll see where it goes. And after that (like everyone else on the proverbial bandwagon) I've got Yes, Please next on deck.
If you have any other recommendations, as always please share in the comments!
posted on: Friday, October 31, 2014
There was a time when my kids were little enough that they had no choice but to go along with whatever I had schemed up for their Halloween costumes. These costumes were usually handmade (by someone else ;) and always very, very, very cute (cuteness being the main, nay, only, objective.) Examples here, and here (oh, that baby ghost still gets me!) Those were the glory days, man. But now that they're older they have all these "opinions" and ideas of their own and I guess I have to be the nice mom who lets them choose their own costumes from now on. Somehow they're just not into the idea of being Wayne and Garth for my own personal amusement. It pretty much blows. And much like last year Wes could not settle on what to be. He kept saying he wanted to be big foot, but that resulted in two problems, number one being that they don't make kids big foot costumes, believe me I've checked. And number two being that his new school doesn't really celebrate Halloween. They have "character dress up day" which is pretty much the same thing except you can only dress as a character from a children's book and you have to bring the book in with you. And we don't have no kids sasquatch books lying around last time I checked. So finally I just loaded him into the car, took him to the store and let him loose in the costume aisle. He came away with an Ironman costume. Meh.
Oren, on the other hand, knew exactly what he wanted to be for Halloween. A red bat. Also, doesn't exist. And I don't sew and everyone I know who does sew has been way too busy to bother, soooo. We talked him into being Batman, which is next best thing in his book. Of course he wanted to be a red Batman which still doesn't exist and so after much persuasion he finally settled on blue Batman, which, thankfully, does exist. And there we have it. The really boring story of how we ended up with two really boring Halloween costumes. Thrilling writing over here today, you guys. Where's my Pulitzer?
So anyway, trick or treat pics coming right up! The weather was much better than last year when it poured rain, and this year it fell on Josh's birthday so we celebrated with pizza, sparkling cider and chocolate cake afterward. Not the most exciting of birthdays, but decent for a Thursday night I'd say.
Hope you all have a very Happy Halloween and may your children bring home all your favorite candy to pilfer!